The search for pleasing, ahead of self-knowledge

Almost whenever I see women, they never feel sexual pleasure. But that's not why they came to therapy, they come to therapy because they felt “bad in bed” and they seek help with “how to drive a man crazy in bed”, “secrets to spice up the relationship” and things like that. What surprises me most is that these women already have an “open” mind for sex, they work, take care of their own finances, that is, it's not because they depend on this relationship to survive. But somehow, they feel they “need” those relationships to validate themselves as women. Putting yourself in a life position where “I'm not happy, but I have a husband”. This title has already become a play, a book, a theme for many debates, but it remains a reality in the lives of many women.

In a way it's comfortable as a woman to put herself in the position of “I do this for generosity”. But we need to go a little deeper and investigate the real reasons that lead us to take the actions we do.

The reality is that every woman suffers enormous social pressure to always be in relationships, or receives the title of "stranded that was left to Tia". This “aunt” is often responsible for taking care of her own life, who are successful in many other areas of life and not necessarily failed in the love area, they just aren't in a relationship at that time. While the same senario in a man's life is seen with absolute success, after all a man who is successful in career, finances, friends, and still single is a party that has not yet been hooked by marriage.

If we find a single man and a woman at the age of 40, we will find two very different scenarios. Let's find a man, who is not necessarily, but possible, who throughout his life has met many women who want to be in a relationship with this man, went to bed with him thinking about "pleasing this party", will it be all did you really feel? According to statistical data about 65% of heterosexual women have never had an orgasm. Aside from the fact that women feel pressured to be in relationships, this man is much more likely not to know and not even care about actually pleasing this partner, but no one likes to be "bad in bed" so obviously he breaks up the relationship wanting to know if the partner has had an orgasm. What does this partner do? Pretend yes. And the chances of pretending are greater if it was bad, because that way the sex ends faster. And it's up to her to go look for more ways to go please this man, because what she needs is a man to not feel alone or worse, to show society that she is in a relationship.

That's why the work of tantric therapy goes far beyond teaching to have and to give pleasure. It is a path of discovery, of real empowerment. Because it requires the interactor to look inside himself, to seek what is best for his life as a whole. Otherwise, we would be helping many victims of abusive relationships to continue to perpetuate this cycle where "I'm always looking to annul myself to please whoever is by my side."

Did it make sense to you? Leave a comment 😉

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