Shyness

According to Bernardo Carducci (Shyness: The New Solution, in “Psychology Today”, January 2000), 75% of people have shy behavior when facing strangers. This means that three out of four people find it difficult to relate fully and objectively in society. Therefore, the shy are no exception in the general picture, on the contrary, they make up the vast majority of humanity.

Shyness, from a clinical point of view, is not considered a disease, although, at a high level, it can bring some psychosomatic complications. In practice, the biggest problems among timid people are social. Shyness is basically a “communication problem”, and it is from this view - much easier to understand and work with - that it is possible to “correct shyness”.

Much of the difficulties in human relationships are due to “learning failures”; person reacts with shyness because they have not learned how to relate to society correctly.

This “failed learning” causes the person to formulate and / or admit prejudices that end up turning into beliefs, which end up directly interfering in the individual's decision-making process, leading him to choose to escape, absence, silence or submission when he needs to decide or communicate.

It is perfectly possible to “fix” these “learning failures” through a support group that gives us the support and confidence we need for a new learning system.

Fear, anxiety and prejudice are responsible for 90% of human suffering and most people, indistinctly, live with these feelings throughout their lives, some with a lot of normality and others with some degree of difficulty. Shyness is determined by how the shy person reacts to his feelings and his exposure in the social environment.

Our fears are mental projections formulated from painful experiences in the past (whether that experience was real or imagined). The desire to not feel the same sensation again creates a kind of intellectual / emotional barrier, which prevents us from acting or reacting rationally when the fact re-appears in our life. This "disrupts" our nervous system and triggers a whole set of very characteristic reactions, such as cold sweat, increased heart rate, tremors etc., although, almost always, nothing happens other than these discomforts.

Everyone has fears, some more, others less, but this does not mean that people who deal better with their fears and insecurities are superior to others. They just weren't affected in the same way and learned to coordinate internal actions, in order to confidently and safely escape emotional traps, which freeze human behavior through reflex and involuntary reactions.

Anxiety has to do with the quality and intensity of our expectations in relation to the environment, things and people around us. It results from the non-acceptance of the fact that we are powerless to change the course of certain events. This creates conflicts between our will and the reality around us, bringing frustration and pain.

Prejudices are pre-established beliefs and imprecise judgments, creating intellectual barriers inherited or constructed from false judgments. They arise because every human being thinks that he needs to have explanations for all the things that the senses perceive.

Shyness is a state of anxiety triggered by our fears and prejudices, especially in relation to the image of other people. When we modify the image of these people (replacing prejudice with a new, more coherent and consistent concept), that fear no longer makes sense.

In Comunna Metamorfose, the power that can transform a person is the knowledge acquired through living with new realities, replacing some pre-conceived “ideas” with others, articulated based on the trust and support they receive, to allow them to live new adventures , without the expectation of results or judgments. The benefits are immediate.

In the world, there are tall, short, fat, thin, bald, talkative, cultured, nonchalant, pierced, non-pierced, who wear suits, who wear jeans, who expose or preserve themselves, religious or not, observant, extravagant, timid, politicized, ignorant, discreet, indiscreet, greedy, curious, skillful, happy, bitter, wasteful, gossipy, eccentric, who like sports, who like music, who like everything, who do not like anything.

Look around and you will see all kinds of people. Some look like me, others look like someone, others have no one like them… People like us, who dream, have desires, hopes, virtues and defects, and who are poets, scientists, prayers, solidary, selfish, fanatics, strong, weak, doctors or not, who sing, dance, shout, cry, kick, have callus, dandruff, heartburn, ingrown toenail ...

There are so many differences that it is impossible to find two people who are absolutely the same; each has its type, its way, its ways, its defects and its virtues. Nobody better, nobody worse; all are different, all are special. For this reason, trying to copy a “quality standard” established by anyone is the same as denying its importance to the world. After all, it is precisely our differences that make us unique.

Without these differences, we lose our identity. There are billions of human beings around the world and no one has his private signature, no one has a pair of eyes like yours, his fingerprint, the DNA of his hair. Your pet is able to identify its smell even in the middle of a football stadium full of fanatical and smelly fans. Your pet knows that the odor of your body is unique and special in the whole world ... What value does this represent for you?

So don't want to be like anyone. Just improve and further enhance your qualities and differences.

The crucial question that accompanies the shy is: “what will they think of me?” This concern with “what others will think”, is very similar to the feeling of common fear, that fear that people have of cockroach, dark room, lost soul, etc. It is the concern with danger, with the evil that can happen. It turns out, however, that every concern, whatever it is, is a fantasy projection that almost always lacks logic; it’s just the imagination. However, even though it is the fruit of imagination, it is real, it actually exists in our mind.

“Imagination is more powerful than reasoning”
Albert Einstein

All of our fears have the same origin. In fact, the sensation of fear is typical of animals (reptilian brain). It is fear that guarantees the survival of the species; it is it that increases the production of adrenaline and prepares us for combat or flight in the face of danger. If the man was not afraid, he would not survive. Everyone is afraid, everyone. The important thing is to learn to keep this fear under control, without valuing the fantasy or the sabotaging and destructive imagination, not letting the imagination create more than it should.

Through Groups Paths of Love, people who are shy can learn that there are several ways to control and even overcome their anxiety, with the emotional support and confidence that are produced in group activities.

Know and participate in the activities of Metamorphosis. Your life will transform!

Find an accredited therapist in your city