Are you still attracting emotionally unavailable partners?

Many women ask themselves: “Why do I keep dating imbeciles? ”. My answer is often stunned. You are probably attracting this, I always say. It seems like a difficult love, and maybe it is. But in fact, there is a deeper meaning behind this: we attract what we think we deserve. And what we think we deserve is often rooted in what we experience or witness in our early childhood development. Here's how to break this cycle.

1. You will not recognize your own patterns

Before any real change can happen, you need to recognize your blocks of intimacy, the patterns you live by repeating in your relationships. They often arise from early childhood and are based on the relationship you had with one of your parents or the relationship your parents modeled for you. For example, if your father was not emotionally available to you (that is, he did not make you feel loved, cared for or supported), it may make you intentional to seek out an emotionally unavailable man.

Because? You are unconsciously hoping to achieve what you did not achieve as a child with this new relationship in adulthood. This deeply ingrained tendency towards absent partners is embedded in your root chakra, which is the first chakra located at the base of the spine and associated with instinct, survival, grounding, family and security. This is because we feel more comfortable with the pain we know than with the pain we don't know. So, we go back to the same type of guy or the same relationship model, trying to reconstruct our past to fix it, but that never happens.

2. You can't stop reenacting the past

Our inner child re-enacts the past by choosing the same type of partner over and over and being disappointed again and again, in the hope that a discovery will happen. It will change, it will change and everything will get better. To break this pattern, you need to overcome the discomfort of change and the fear of the unknown. The only way to improve is to wait for that person to change and just say no.

This is the real breakthrough - recognizing the pattern and then making a conscious decision not to walk that path again, even if it seems comfortable, safe and familiar. It's called "growing pains" for a reason - growth is painful. We need to take risks, enter the frightening unknown, and expand emotionally and spiritually in ways we've never done before. It may seem very uncomfortable at first. But the rewards are worth it.

3. You didn't recognize your behaviors

Recognize the fact that you are the one bringing the wrong people into your life. Mystery solved. Here's the thing: Everyone who came into your life not only came into your life for a reason, but because you attracted them to you. Nobody voluntarily attracts the cheater, the aggressor or the emotionally unavailable person, but we are programmed at a deep level to attract what we think we deserve and what we know, what we are used to.

4. you believe you deserve

Once you truly believe that you are worthy of the love you deserve, you will attract a partner who truly deserves it. Good partners are attracted to women who are confident and have healthy boundaries. Bad partners are attracted to women who are broken inside, because they can manipulate and take advantage of them. Fix what's broken, become more confident and love yourself, and that positive energy will attract a more positive person. This is what we call the "law of attraction". Like attracts like. Until you change the fundamental belief that you don't deserve the best, you will continue to date guys who disappoint.

Boost your self-esteem through positive daily affirmations (ie, “I'm beautiful”, “I'm worth it”), create a vision board that specifically shows how you want your relationship or life to be. There are breathing techniques used in Tantra to move from the state of the left brain, where you are stuck in your previous roles, to the state of the right brain, where you feel that everything is possible.

5. you are not opening your heart

Everyone says they have an open heart, but is it really true? You are probably still thinking, “Yes! ” But consider this: If you're stuck in a relationship where you don't get what you need, why are you still in it? It is because you are afraid to leave and are not open to change. To open your heart, you have to overcome this fear and be open to the unknown.

There is a meditation called "Tantric Heart". Visualize that your soul is the queen of your life and her throne is your heart. Your heart must make all the decisions in your life without fear, but your mind is the frightened servant who guards your heart's door. If we are hurt in the past, in time our minds will lock that door out of fear. To open that door and open your heart, you need to overcome fear.

Use a daily affirmation with breathing work to open the heart chakra. Breathe in deeply, long and slowly and say, "Breathing in, I soften my heart to receive love." When you exhale slowly, say, "Exhaling, I let the fear go." Start the day with five minutes of this and you will feel a change. Other people will also see a change in you. Don't be surprised if you attract a totally different type of person, someone who is ready to be intimate and vulnerable. If you're stuck in a bad relationship, maybe the wheels will loosen and you'll head in a healthier direction.