A conversation about ownership in a love relationship...

We are all people, and people are free, however, due to our cultural, ancestral and unworked emotional issues, many people still believe that being in a romantic relationship gives them rights over the other person. And, many times, possession appears even more markedly when the party that suffers from the other's possessiveness ends the relationship.

Breakups are usually painful because we cling to many nice, beautiful and cool things that we already live with the person and we end up believing somewhere in us that those good sensations and feelings caused by those moments will come back to visit us. This attachment is what often keeps us stuck in a difficulty and painful situations because we are finishing something that, in fact, deep inside us, we know that it has been over for some time.

We end up insisting, going over our real will, sustaining the relationship with great difficulty, pushing with our belly, giving in to pressure, coming and going, sharing our precious time with someone who has nothing to do with us anymore, even that reaches an unsustainable point, where there is often no longer admiration, lust, or partnership...

Of course I am talking about some cases, they are just some possibilities, hypotheses. Relationships end daily for the most diverse reasons. It may not have been that way for you. But often it's the attachment that brings us all the pain that a breakup usually causes us. If we didn't have it, it could be so much lighter, natural, beautiful and maybe even a beautiful friendship.

Some endings can be quite traumatic and leave wounds that need more than time to heal. There are many relationships in which possessive partners do not bother to live in the relationship, tedious moments, lack of desire on the part of the other, boredom, emotional burnout, unpleasant moments together, non-acceptance of the other as it is on both sides, numerous incompatibilities in several questions. But they are extremely annoyed when they hear their partner mention the end of the relationship.

They can withstand everything as long as they stay together. They try to get around in every way, but show themselves aggressive when they realize that there is no longer any possibility of reconciliation. Very sad, regrettable and unbelievable when we live so long with a person in such an intimate way and she can very naturally tell you horrible things and even threaten your physical integrity when you end a relationship.

It's as if you have no rights to your own life, as if it's property, as if you're ungratefully denying the best person for your life and deserving to go through the whole degrading, humiliating, destructive situation and traumatic to which you were subjected just for ending a relationship. And this can be even worse when financially dependent on the possessive person. It's giving someone a lot of power over their own life. You have to be very careful about this. Entrusting your livelihood to someone else can be quite dangerous.

If you have been or are going through something like this, have suffered or are suffering with a possessive ex partner, I wish with all my heart that you heal yourself from all the wounds that this breakup has caused you. , that you also heal from all the tunes that in some way may have led you to live this type of relationship, and that you can truly be grateful for everything you've lived well, for everything you've learned and also for having get freed. Bring back all of the person's energies that were in you and collect all of your energies that were with them. That you move forward, aware of everything that this relationship has taught you and that you know that the past is a place where you don't need to be anymore.

That you open up to the countless possibilities that life offers you all the time and that you live them in abundance. And I'm not referring here, just to another relationship, but to all the things that overflow your heart. Whether it's taking care of yourself, doing good, traveling, reading what you like, cultivating a good mood, studying things that are important to you, being with the people you love, connecting with nature, dancing, exchanging smiles, hugs and laughs, singing, listening to music, resting, practicing a meditative technique, a pleasant physical activity, giving yourself a gift, playing at work, among countless other things that make you feel good.

Exercise

I'm going to share with you an exercise that a therapist (wonderful and who helped me a lot) proposed me to do, about what is important to me in a person I want to have a loving relationship with.

At the end of the exercise, I came up with the following list of things I value:

• The search for self-knowledge and personal development.

• Lovingness, affection and sensitivity.

• Responsibility, in the sense of the ability to respond to a situation and relate to it.

• Willingness to notice one's mistakes, to look and find opportunities for growth through them.

• Mutual admiration and respect.

• Partnership.

• Intelligence.

• Good humor and appreciation of fun in everyday life.

• Independence.

• Honesty.

These are just a few points that make sense to me. You can, if you like, observe and think about what is important to you in a person so that there is a good love relationship.

It is also very important, in this exercise, to observe if you also have the highlighted points to offer to the other and that you try to work in this direction. It's dignified, it's fair.

Some endings leave us hurt. May we heal them all and follow, loving ourselves first. Take from this text what is good for you and build your walk with love and affection for yourself and with those you arrive to walk with, whether for short or longer routes.

And if, in this case, you are the possessive person, know that you have no rights over another person, that you do not own anything, that 'no' is 'no', respect that. Don't insist, don't be aggressive, don't hurt, because love can't be what you feel. Love never hurts. Get help. You don't depend on that person to be happy, there are countless other possibilities for people who want to be with you willingly. You're not the best person for the other person, if she doesn't want it anymore, it's her right. Follow, take care, heal, go to therapy, find yourself, get to know yourself, grow up, you have a lot more opportunities to be happy if you do this than if you get stuck and pester, threaten, hurt someone who says he loves. You definitely don't need to act like that. It's not easy to break out of this pattern of dependency on your own. Get a therapist. There are many other paths you can take. Allow yourself! Life is vast and generous. Don't get stuck with someone who doesn't want to be with you. It's okay, it's okay, there's nothing wrong with that, just as there are certainly people you don't want to have a romantic relationship with. Normal. It is part. Look at yourself with affection, welcome the parts that carry these pains of rejection and this illusory need that you need this person and that they have an obligation to love you. Go... Life is oceanic and not a drop.

A big hug!