A way out of a dead end

“Dear Osho,

I come from a family in which there were four suicides on my mother's side, including my grandmother. How does this affect a person's death? What can help overcome this perversion of death that is a theme present in the family?

The phenomenon of death is one of the most mysterious and so is the phenomenon of suicide. Don't define suicide from its surface. It can mean many things. My understanding is that people who commit suicide are the most sensitive in the world, they are very intelligent. Because of their sensitivity and intelligence, they have difficulty living in this neurotic world.

Society is neurotic. It exists on neurotic foundations. Its entire history is a story of madness, violence, wars and destruction. Someone says, 'My country is the greatest in the world'. This is a neurosis. Another says, 'My religion is the largest and most evolved in the world.' This is another neurosis. And these neuroses have already entered the blood and bones and people have become very dull and insensitive. They had to become like this, otherwise life would become impossible.

You have to become desensitized to live with this harsh life around you. Otherwise, you will be out of tune. If you are not in tune with society, society declares you crazy. Society is crazy, but if you are not adjusted to it, you are declared crazy. So, either you become crazy or you have to find a way out of society. This is what suicide is: life becomes intolerable. It seems to be impossible to live with so many people around you, all of whom are insane. (...)

In this neurotic world, if you are healthy, sensitive and intelligent, you will either go crazy or commit suicide – or you will have to become a sannyasin. What other possibility is there?

The person who asked this question was Jane Ferber. She is the wife of Bodhicitta. She came to me at the right time. She can become a sannyasin and avoid suicide.

In the East, there are not so many suicides, because sannyas is an alternative. You can drop everything with great respect. The East accepts this. You can start doing your own thing, the East has respect for this. It is five times the difference between India and the United States, for every Indian who commits suicide, five Americans do the same. And the phenomenon of suicide is growing in the United States. Intelligence is growing, sensitivity is growing, while society is becoming duller. And society does not provide an intelligent world. So what to do? Continue to suffer unnecessarily?

Then the person begins to think, 'Why not abandon all this? Why not end it all? Why not give the entrance ticket back to God?' If sannyas becomes a big movement in the United States, the suicide rate will start to fall because people will have a much better and more creative alternative than giving up everything. Have you ever noticed that hippies don't commit suicide? It is in the square world, in the conventional world, that suicide predominates. The hippie abandoned everything. He is a type of sannyasin, not yet fully aware of what he is doing, but he is on the right track; moving, groping in the dark, but heading in the right direction. The hippie is the beginning of sannyas. He says, 'I don't want to be part of this rotten game, I don't want to be part of this political game. I see how things are, but I would like to live my own life. I don't want to become someone's slave. I don't want to die in a war. I don't want to fight, because there are much more beautiful things to be done.'

But for millions, nothing exists. Society took away all its possibilities for growth. They are tied up. People commit suicide because they are feeling trapped and don't see any way out of this situation. They reached a dead end. And the smarter you are, the sooner you will reach this dead end, this impasse. So what are you expected to do? Society does not give him any alternative nor does it allow an alternative society.
Sannyas is an alternative society. It seems strange that in India the suicide rate is the lowest in the world. Logically it should be the highest, because people are suffering, they are miserable, they are hungry. But this strange phenomenon happens everywhere: poor people don't commit suicide. They have no reason to live, nor to die. Since they are hungry, their occupation is with food, shelter, money, things like that. They cannot afford to think about suicide; they don't have that abundance yet. The United States has everything while India has nothing.
A few days ago, I was reading a text that said, 'The Americans have a laughing Jimmy Carter, Johnny Cash and Bob Hope, while the Indians have a dry, insensitive and dead Morarji Desai, no cash and very little hope. (hope).'
But still, people don't commit suicide. They continue living and enjoying life. Even the beggars are vibrant and excited. There is nothing to be excited about, but they have hope.
Why does suicide happen so much in the United States? The common problems of life have disappeared, the mind is free to rise beyond ordinary consciousness. The mind can rise beyond the body, beyond itself. Conscience is ready to spread its wings, but society does not allow it. Out of every ten suicides, nine are by sensitive people. Seeing the lack of meaning in life, the indignity that life imposes, the commitments they have to make in exchange for nothing, seeing all the melancholy, looking around and seeing this 'story told by an idiot, without any meaning', they they decide to get rid of the body. If they could have had wings on their bodies, they would not have made such a decision.
Suicide also has another meaning, and this has to be understood. In life everything seems to be common, simple imitation. You can't have a car that others don't have. Millions of people have the same car as you. Millions of people are living the same life as you, watching the same movie, the same TV show, reading the same newspaper. Life is so ordinary, nothing unique is left for you to do, for you to be. Suicide appears to be a unique phenomenon: only you can die for yourself; no one else can die for you. Your death will be your death, it will be no one else's death. Death is unique.
Look at this phenomenon: death is unique. It defines you as an individual, it gives you individuality. Society took away your individuality; you are just a cog in the gear, replaceable. If you die, no one will miss you, you will be replaced. If you are a university professor, another university professor will replace you. Even if you are the President of the Republic, the moment you are no longer there, someone else will become President immediately. You are replaceable.
It hurts to know that your worth is not much, that you won't be missed, that one day you will disappear and, soon after, those people who still remember you will also disappear. And then it will be as if you were never there. Simply think of such a day. You will disappear... Yes, for a certain time people will remember, your boyfriend will remember you, your children will remember, maybe a few friends too. But little by little, their memory of you will lose its colors, it will weaken and begin to disappear. Perhaps, while they are alive, those people with whom you had a certain type of intimacy will remember you from time to time. But once they too are gone, you will simply disappear, as if you never existed. So there won't be any difference whether you were here or not.
Life doesn't give you a single respect. This is very humiliating. This takes you into a hole where you are nothing more than a cog in the gear, a cog in the vast mechanism. This makes you anonymous.
Death at least is unique. And suicide is even more unique than death. Why? Because death happens to you and suicide is something you do. Death is beyond you, when it comes, it just comes. But suicide you can drive, you are not a victim. With death you will be a victim, with suicide you will be in control. The birth has already taken place. You can't do anything about it, and you didn't do anything to be born. The birth was an accident.
There are three things in life that are vital: birth, love and death. The birth has already taken place; there is nothing more to do about it. You weren't even asked if you wanted to be born or not. You are a victim. Love also happens; you can't do anything about it, you are helpless. One day you fall in love with someone and you can't do anything about it. If you want to fall in love with someone, there is no way to control it, it is impossible. And if you fall in love with someone and you don't want that falling in love to happen, it will be very difficult to get out of that situation. Birth is an event, and so is love. Now there remains only death about which something can be done: you can be a victim or you can decide it for yourself.
A suicidal person is someone who decides and says, 'Let me at least do one thing in this lifetime where I'm almost accidental: I'm going to commit suicide. There is at least one thing I can do.' Birth is impossible to do; love cannot be created if it is not already there; but death has an alternative. Either you can be a victim or you can be the decider.
This society took away all his dignity. This is why people commit suicide. Suicide gives them a certain dignity. They may say to God, 'I have renounced your world and your life. They were worthless.' People who commit suicide are almost always more sensitive than others who continue living and dragging on. But I'm not telling you to commit suicide. I am telling you that there is another, much higher possibility. Each moment in life can be very beautiful, individual, without imitation and without repetition. Every moment can be very precious! So there is no need to commit suicide. Each moment can bring so many blessings and can define you as unique – because you are unique. There has never been anyone like you before, and there never will be after.
But society forces him to be part of a large army. Society doesn't like a person who follows their own path. Society wants you to be part of the crowd: be a Hindu, be a Christian, be a Jew, be an American, be an Indian – but be part of a crowd; It doesn't matter what crowd, but be part of a crowd. Never be yourself. And those who want to be themselves, the salt of the earth, these are the most valuable people on this earth. The earth has some dignity and fragrance due to these people. But they commit suicide.
Sannyas and suicide are alternatives. This is my experience: you can become a sannyasin only when you reach a point where, if you are not sannyas, then all you have left is suicide. Sannyas means, 'I will try to become an individual while I am alive. I will live my life my own way. I will not be dominated, I will not accept being told what to do. I will not function like a mechanism, like a robot. I will have no ideals or goals. I will live each moment, in the excitement of each moment. I will be spontaneous and risk everything for this.'
Sannyas is a risk.
Jane, I would like to tell you: I looked into your eyes; the possibility of suicide is there too. But don't think that you will have to commit suicide – sannyas will take care of that. You are much luckier than the four people in your family who committed suicide. In fact, any intelligent person has the ability to commit suicide, only idiots never do it. Have you ever heard of any idiot who committed suicide? He doesn't care about life, why commit suicide? Only a rare intelligence begins to feel the need to do something, because life as it is being lived is not worth it. So, either do something or change your life, give it a new shape, a new direction, a new dimension. Why continue to carry this burden of nightmares, day after day, year after year? And this will continue... Medical science is helping people continue for even longer – a hundred years, a hundred and twenty years. And now these people are saying that man can easily live to be close to three hundred years old. Just imagine if people have to live for three hundred years: the suicide rate will skyrocket, because even mediocre minds will begin to reflect on the meaninglessness of life.

Intelligence means seeing things in depth. Does your life have any meaning? Does she have any joy? Is there any poetry in it? Is there any creativity? Do you feel grateful to be here? Do you feel grateful for being born? Can you thank your God? Can you say with all your heart that this life is a blessing? If you can't, then why continue living? Make your life a blessing or disappear. Why continue carrying your weight on this earth? Someone else can take your space and do things in a better way. This is the thought that comes naturally to an intelligent mind. It's a very natural idea when you are smart. Intelligent people commit suicide. And among intelligent people, those who are the most intelligent take sannyas. They begin to create a meaning, a significance, they begin to live. Why miss this opportunity? (...)


I'm not saying you should commit suicide. I'm saying that your life, such as it is, is driving you to suicide. Change your life.
And reflect on death. It can come at any time, so don't consider thinking about death morbid. Death is the culmination of life, it is the very crescendo of life. You have to take note of this. Death is coming. This has to happen. You have to prepare for it and the only way to prepare for death, the right way, is not by committing suicide; the right way is to die every moment to the past. This is the correct way. This is what a sannyasin is supposed to do: die every moment to the past, never carry the past for a single moment. At each moment, die to the past and be born to the present. This will keep you refreshed, young, vibrant, radiant; this will keep you alive, pulsating, excited and ecstatic. And the man who knows how to die every moment to the past, knows how to die, and this is the greatest art and skill. So when death comes to such a man, he dances with it, he embraces it. She is a friend, not an enemy. It is God who comes to him in the form of death. It is a total relaxation with existence. It is becoming the whole again, it is becoming one with the whole again.
So don't call it perversion.
You said: 'I come from a family in which there have been four suicides on my mother's side, including my grandmother.'
Don't condemn these poor people, and don't think for a moment that they have been perverted.
'How does this affect a person's death? What can help overcome this perversion of death that is a running theme in the family?'
Don't call it perversion; it is not. Those people were simply victims. They were unable to live with the neurotic society, and decided to disappear into the unknown. Have compassion for them, don't condemn them. Don't denigrate them, don't name them, don't call it perversion or anything like that. Have compassion for them and love them.
There is no need to follow them at all, but have feelings for them. They must have suffered a lot. It is not easy to decide to abandon life; they must have suffered intensely; they must have seen hell in this life. Death is not easily decided, because surviving is a natural instinct. You continue to survive all types of situations and conditions. People keep compromising, just to survive. When someone abandons your life, it simply demonstrates that it is beyond your ability to commit; the demand is too much. The demand is so great and it's not worth it; Only then does one decide to commit suicide. Have compassion for those people.
And if you feel that something is wrong, that something wrong is in society, not in those people. Society is perverted! In a primitive society no one commits suicide. I have been to primitive tribes in India; for centuries they never knew of anyone who had committed suicide. They don't have any record of suicide. Why? Because society is natural, it is not perverted. It does not lead people to unnatural things. Society accepts and allows everyone to have their own way, their choice to live their life. This is everyone's right. Even if a person goes crazy, society accepts it; It's your right to go crazy. There is no condemnation. In fact, in primitive societies, crazy people were respected as mystics, and there was a certain mystery around them. If you look into the eyes of a mad man and into the eyes of a mystic, you will see some similarity – something vast, indefinite, nebulous, something like a chaos from which stars are born. The mystic and the madman have some similarity.
All madmen may not be mystics, but all mystics are mad. By crazy I mean they went beyond the mind. The madman may have gone below the mind and the mystic may have gone beyond the mind, but in one thing they are similar, both are not in their minds. In a primitive society, even the crazy person is respected, tremendously respected. If he decides to go crazy, no problem. Society takes care of their food and shelter. Society loves him, loves his madness. Society does not set rules; so no one commits suicide because freedom remains intact.
When society demands slavery and continues to destroy your freedom, crippling you on all sides, paralyzing your soul and killing your heart, you come to a feeling that it is better to die than to compromise.
Don't call them perverts. Have compassion for them; they suffered a lot, they were victims. And try to understand what happened to them; This will give you some insight into your own life. And there is no need to repeat what they did, because I give you an opportunity to be yourself. I open a door for you. If you are understanding, you will see what the point is, but if you are not understanding, then it will be difficult. I can keep shouting and you will only hear what you can hear, what you want to hear. (...)

OSHO – The Heart Sutra – Disc no. 4 – question no. 1