Pheromones, ejaculation and doublets: what pornography didn't tell us

In fact, pornography educated us very little, even though it was our primary teacher; or maybe he taught us a lot, but he taught poorly. Anyway, we're not going to talk about pornography, but about what she didn't tell us. After all, what do pheromones, ejaculations and “folds” have in common? Our bet is that they have the key to a new way of understanding (and living) sex and sexuality.

This time we talked to none other than Vitor Shiv. He, who is a well-known personality among the men who were at our last Great Meeting, given his proposal, at least unexpectedly, to present ourselves for our… well, for our sticks. But know that it was not slutty, after all Vitor is a therapist and body and sexual reeducator, with a training that has accumulated since 2012 and that is more extensive than this brief presentation allows us to list. The link to our guest's full curriculum will be at the end of the text. Lets go to what matters!

Vitor, it seems that men, especially straight ones, have a much more fragile sexuality compared to women, what do you think about that?

There is a truth in that ... There is, indeed, a fragility generated by the great demand that exists in the figure of the “alpha-male”. In the face of an extremely macho and heteronormative society - that idea that only straight relationships are normal or correct - a great weight is created in relation to what belongs to us. In addition, today we have a very poorly structured sex education. Through the lessons of the aunt of biology, we learn that boys have penises and girls have vaginas; that the sperm produced by the testicles fertilizes the egg. But, how is the question of pleasure?

It turned out that this job of educating about pleasure was left to pornography, which creates a series of fantasies and stereotypes of what must be an orgasm and the way of a stunning sexual performance to achieve this. The result of this tends to be quite catastrophic. For example, the question of virility, which is built on the symbolic figure of the erect penis and which consequently generates a whole set of anxieties, expectations and frustrations regarding what this virile power is. Only this is not how sexuality and pleasure work for men.

I believe that we will only be able to strengthen our sexuality from the moment each man becomes fully aware of his body and its sensory possibilities and potential. Once we start to enjoy our sexuality with freedom and conscience, it will cease to be a burden and become light - as it is meant to be.

Speaking of exploring our possibilities of pleasure, there is a part of the male body that for many men is scarcely explored; perhaps for that very reason it is capable of destroying and terrorizing the entire building of masculinity. We are talking about the ass. How do you see the relationship that men have with this region and the difficulty of exploring other areas in sexual practice?

Look, when we talk about erogenous regions the tendency is to think about the genital. We can even think about the nipples or the neck, but when we talk about the fateful ass, there is usually a certain terror, which especially in straight men triggers a series of fears and fears.

There are some psychosomatic studies, that is, the relationship between psychological factors and the records they cause in the body, which show how in this region, the anus, regardless of gender or orientation, are summed up especially three very dense emotions: guilt, fear and shame. For example, we can think of the shame of feeling pleasure in this region, the guilt of having suffered sexual abuse, the fear of not being accepted. All of this generates a somatic weight that is registered in this small hole.

But speaking of pleasure, we have, in the region of the anal border, about two thousand nerve endings. To have a comparison, the penis glans has about four thousand. Not to mention the prostate, scrotum and perineum. So, we have a very significant gain if we combine these two regions.

There are in fact this whole series of records that really undermine the way man perceives the whole of his body and his pleasure. But, just as the masturbation process leads men to develop self-knowledge about their penis, anal stimulation, even external, generates a considerable perception and activation of pleasure in this area.

Because you see, it is through our sensorial and experiential references that we build a kind of path for pleasure to travel on the body. A path that begins with a well-closed trail, which soon becomes a dirt road and finally a paved road. Progressively, pleasure starts to flow mostly through that route and other possibilities are thus totally unnoticed, disabled. We like to stay on this already consolidated, comfortable path, which is safe and known, but humanity is there to prove that all the movements of growth and evolution occur with the departure of this comfort. It is the famous cliché of the therapeutic world: "get out of your comfort zone", but that's it.

So, from this process of mastering one's own pleasure, all these “opposition intrigues”, these taboos, are being resolved, and many very important cures happen. Speaking of men who have had anal sex abuse, the issue is extremely curative.

I recall your speech from another moment, "Yes, there is life after ejaculation!" It is very common to hear that after the man ejaculates the game is over, that there is not much to do except, in some cases, wait a little. But your vision is a little different, how do you see this "life after ejaculation"?

Well, first there is a vast tradition, from various cultures, which has this more patriarchal, even somewhat macho, approach of considering that the climax of male pleasure is ejaculation. Hence several techniques and philosophies argue that, energetically speaking, ejaculation is a loss, because it is such white blood ... There are even some people who say they start the countdown of life at the moment when man ejaculated for the first time.

Anyway, many people enter this neura and this can be one of the causes of delayed ejaculation, which is a sexual dysfunction where the man, even wanting to, has difficulty ejaculating. These are cases in which the body has created such a pressure to retain the semen that the release is not consumed.

The oldest line of tantra is structured on three pillars that help to understand my perspective more clearly. The old tantra was matriarchal, sensory and depressing. From the moment we manage to enter this welcoming space, all rigidity and control tend to be overcome by the full awareness of just being you and recognizing the sacred in that.

I read something about this issue that caught my attention a lot about the issue of pheromones, which makes a lot more sense to me than the famous “I have to hold”. See, all the tantric techniques that happen in a couple's work will cause a greater production of pheromones to occur. So, all that "link" that we usually have at the beginning of a relationship tends to reactivate. This is very clear, for example, when a couple has difficulty having a sexual relationship with each other but has no difficulty at all when they have it with people outside the relationship. The guy who had an erection problem suddenly doesn't have it anymore. What is it? Pheromone!

From the moment you start to perceive more subtly how the pheromone acts in the body - and to achieve this perception involves a series of exercises - everything becomes much more fluid.

Pheromone is a very visible thing in the animal world. Look at the ants: through the pheromone they mark a path that everyone starts to follow correctly; there is a very nice and orderly line. Or when there is a conflict situation, in which the anthill is attacked, they release a specific pheromone that signals the danger to other ants. All of this is at the chemical level. And, of course, something more thematic, which are the periods of heat in certain animals. It's the same thing.

In addition, there is also the influence of the “dictatorship of the hardwood”. The guy has to maintain his erection at all costs and sex without an erection becomes unimaginable. In addition to having to hold back the ejaculation to "come" together with the partner. With that, when ejaculation occurs, it's over… Turn to the side and sleep…. Put on your clothes and leave….

But it doesn't have to be that way, if you are excited and connected with this pheromone charge, ejaculation becomes a mere detail. Not to say that man can develop the ability to sustain an erection, even after ejaculating, and get rid of the so-called Phase or Refractive Period.

This is a capacity that we all have, just develop. People said to be more sexualized or with higher sexual energy tend to have this more intense pheromone load. But regardless of any condition, everyone can work and exercise in order to reach that level of perception. So, let's go people, to the infinite and beyond! It is one of the great virtues of the human being: as long as it seeks to grow and evolve, there are no limits!

So are you saying that men don't necessarily have this low energy after ejaculation? Can the man ejaculate and continue "on the edge"?

That. Imagine that the graph of male arousal is an ascending curve that reaches its peak with ejaculation and suddenly falls. The time she stays down there before starting to rise again would be the refraction phase. The female orgasmic chart is more constant, with more ripples. It is more common for women to experience so-called valley orgasms, or multiple ones, while for men it is more common for peak orgasms. If the man has the perception and the conscience on his own body well worked, it becomes possible to sustain the excitement for longer. Even with that peak, and a natural low later, it manages to continue.

This is really cool because you discover other possibilities, like sustaining your erection and continuing with penetration, having orgasm without ejaculating, ejaculating with orgasm and without erection, in addition to other mirabolances. Like everything in life that involves the body, we really have to train in order to develop these skills.

You said that there are certain exercises that we can do to increase pheromone production. Tell me what exercises are these !!!

Of course, these are very simple things!

It is very important to awaken and refine our sensory perception. For this you can start by doing a scan of your own body by touch. The production and release of pheromone occurs where we have the highest concentration of ganglion tissue, usually where the folds are. So, pay special attention to the region of the ribs, between the fingers, behind the knees, elbows, armpits, groin, lips, ear, neck ... All these regions where it is possible to have some fold are places where the pheromone tends to be more intensely secreted.

Then do the rub and smell exercise. It's a great exercise! Do this on the perineum, groin, genital. Sometimes we feel disgusted with the smell, that is, we feel disgusted with ourselves, which does not help at all. That is why it is very important to fully understand what you are. From the moment you smell your own - and thus your own pheromone - it becomes much easier to return sensitivity to other people's scent.

It is also very interesting, in our case, to notice the smell of the sperm itself. Anyway, this whole process of scanning the different smells in the body is very positive and helps a lot in that sense.

Doing these exercises after physical activity can be even more fun. It is common for some people to become more aroused after that, partly because sweat makes these pheromone secreting regions more active. In the Sexological Bodywork training, we compared the sensation generated by this scan, done through self-touch, before and after physical activity; then it was always much more intense. For these and so many other experiences I have this thesis that pleasure is directly linked to how efficient the body produces and perceives the pheromone.

I have already heard that our society suffers from a craze for hyper-sanitization, which implies the final rejection of everything that somehow looks or remembers dirt. The problem is that over time we develop excessive disgust for our own secretions. I speak, for example, of sweat, which for some is unbearable. You were just saying about the relationship between pheromone and sweat, which are often secreted together. Do you think that this aversion hinders everyone's sexual practice?

Total, it makes perfect sense. The human being when assuming this hyper hygienization develops at the same time the negation of his own smell, which in turn is a form of disconnection from the body and, finally, of his own pleasure. The practices that I talked about just now are great in this sense, as they promote, in addition to contact with our smells, that providential snap that causes us to activate a series of nerve endings, and we perceive and create several other paths for pleasure to travel through the body .

We tend to have a very mental (psychogenic) pleasure, and we need to make it more organic, and then the pheromone issue is a determining factor! From the moment this reconnection with the body occurs through the acceptance of its own smells, everything becomes much more interesting.

There is even a very common fetish called salirophilia, which is the attraction for organic fluids that contain salt, such as sweat and saliva. It is a fetish that is certainly linked to pheromone uptake. Others enjoy smelling underwear and traveling. But it is logical that people travel, they are drinking pheromone straight from the source. Not to mention another fetish a little more unusual (or not), which is the golden shower. Of course, it is not for everyone, everyone connects with what feels good, but once you create harmony with your own body, and from the table with your own pleasure, you are no longer hostage to this hyper hygiene.

What I think is that we have to respect all subjectivities. But for that people need to know each other! That is why the insistence on always exploring new possibilities, new sensations, promoting contact with yourself, with your body, which is your sacred temple. Life is much lighter and more pleasurable. And the intimate contact with you and with other people will no longer be a reason for so many neuras and anxieties!

Vitor Shiv is a body and sexual therapist and reeducator, trained in tantric therapy, rebirth and sexological bodywork. To get to know your work better and for other information, just click here or follow you on urges: @ vitor.tantra

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[Cover image: Mercure, Pavel Tchelitchew, 1956]